Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2019 9:44:51 GMT -5
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Yeah, it’s fucking shit. That TSA person didn’t even feel me up like they normally do, I’m disappointed… I fully expect when we get back for the country to be a smoldering pile.”
VONTAVIO
“You mean it isn’t?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but I’ll say it again. Political… fucking… commentary.”
BRAD MEDICINE
“That’s a hot take.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Oh, I know.”
VONTAVIO
“Anyone else find it weird we’re going to Russia for a wrestling show?”
Brennan considered what he had asked. Yeah, Russia had its issues, but he wasn’t too worried.
FREIGHT TRAIN
“What do you have against Russia?
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“I don’t see anything too odd about the show being there, myself. I’m thinking about seeing if Vladimir Putin will come out and support me as the Apex Champion.”
FREIGHT TRAIN
“... What?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Come on, that’s what you go to Russia for and I’m sure I’m not the first person to think about it. Everyone knows Vanessa Byrne is only having the show here to get in Putin's pocket. But I’m getting all that sweet, sweet Russia money first.”
VONTAVIO
“Okay, okay, this is all fine but we should all rest. You especially, Brennan, you’ve got some work to do…”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Yeah, okay mom. This is why we’re replacing you with Brenda for my entourage.”
Brennan laid back in his seat and relaxed, soon falling asleep… He dreamed of Ramona and tacos. Then he realized his body was hurting like he was lying against something sharp. His gloved hand grasped onto something as he opened his eyes, realizing he was on the ground with lots of plane parts lying around. How was he here? What? He rubbed his eyes and saw a vast, sprawling future world with a large sign above it which read ‘COSMOTOWN’... Was he dreaming?
“Hey, you?! You able to fight?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“... I’m more of a lover but, maybe, why?”
SOLDIER
“Emperor Cosmo and his band of Cosmobots will be here to kill us all shortly, we need all the hands we can get.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Wait, Emperor Cosmo? What? Also, how do you know he’s coming?”
SOLDIER
“He spent all morning tweeting about it, said we were gonna lose because we wouldn’t hype up the war on Twitter. Check my phone.”
The man held up his phone as Cosmo Cooper's Twitter account seemed to be fairly active.
No matter what I’ve always been able to overcome and will be the reigning king of this planet. #GonnaSkullFuckThemAfterward
I’m not the guy to be all ‘here is my war I'm in this week' and tag where its going to be but I’m going to nuke the shit out of those guys on the border of Cosmotown.”
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He rolled his eyes.
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Yeah, he does let his Twitter do the talking, that checks out. Let's go.”
Brennan followed after the man ahead of him, seeing he was dressed in some sort of armor straight out of Starship Troopers.
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“What happened? Last thing I knew I was on a plane and… how could Cosmo do this? Also, how could he blindside you when he tells you everything he’s gonna do or say to you on Twitter, then repeat it in person?”
SOLDIER
“You new around here? In 2019, Brennan Devlin faced off against Cosmo Cooper in Russia. Cosmo had some backhanded deals going with the Russian government, just like he did with Vanessa Byrne. A crooked Russian referee was placed in your match and you overcame it, you did. But, Cosmo had a plan, the Russians hacked the DMV and changed your drivers license from M to F using stolen DNA from Brenda Devlin. Also, I’m ignoring that last question, I feel like you have a bone to pick with him though, we need that kind of energy.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Oh my god… her and I are the same person and… no...”
SOLDIER
“Exactly, you cannot win a Last Man Standing match if you aren’t a man… who also happens to be standing. You got tied up in court cases for years to get it fixed, but it was too late, Cosmo ends up handed the championship as Vanessa Byrne wanted. By 2020, Cosmo having a death grip on the championship leads to Valor folding due to the fact they have a champion people can just see anywhere, but Cosmo keeps the belt and reveals he was a plant.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Like… a vegetable? I always knew his promos were stale. Someone doing a Weekend at Bernie's with a comatose dude and talking for him would add up.”
SOLDIER
“That doesn’t even make sense, plants and vegetables are two different things in the context you’re using them.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Listen, you’ll get a lot further in life not questioning me, now go on…”
SOLDIER
“Alright.. Cosmo Cooper… think about his initials, CC… he reveals his middle name now starts with a W and naturally, that means Chris Callum liked him that week, so CWC came back. Suddenly, everyone has a company to put him over in and with Russian backing, his popularity only grew. Now, Cosmo Cooper's power supersedes all forms of government after he made the president of the United States tap out in a wrestling match during the 2020 presidential elections.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“What… how? And Cosmo has Russian support? How the fuck? Also what W name did he pick?”
SOLDIER
“Wallaby. He thought the name of a cute animal would get him more retweets and likes.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Ew.”
SOLDIER
“But think about it. Russians call their astronauts Cosmonauts.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“It’s so clear now...”
SOLDIER
“You really don’t know about any of this? Even when he killed Brenda Devlin in 2021 for trying to bring Brennan Devlin back to life? Or 2025 when Ramona Epps stopped doing her foot fetish website and tracked down Cosmo’s floating palace avenge her husband's life?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Wait… I… I’m dead? How?”
SOLDIER
“You? Who are you? I was talking about Brennan Devlin, everyone says Cosmo had him trampled by a bunch of half-naked women who never seemed to wrestle anywhere or do anything to give the Twitter thots a claim to fame so they could hang around wrestling forever..”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“I’m Brennan Devlin and… that evil son of a bitch..”
SOLDIER
“Okay bud, sure you are. And..!”
Suddenly someone nearby yelled ‘incoming!’ and a tacky looking robot appeared next to them with a hat and hair much like Cosmo, then proceeded to grapple with the soldier that had been leading Brennan through the warzone. Soon, the soldier suplexed the robot onto the ground and put a gun in its face, blasting it to bits. Why he had to wrestle a robot to the ground with wrestling moves, he’d never understand but here they were.
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Wait, something is… something’s not right here…”
Something was trying to pull him… somewhere. He could hear a voice in his head yelling Brennan. Nearby, the soldier kept glancing at Brennan awkwardly, pulling out a photo from his wallet of a blonde man and a tatted up woman… He glanced at it, then at Brennan.
SOLDIER
“Wait… you… you are him… But how?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“I don’t know, but, I think I’m about to… wake up, or something?”
SOLDIER
“Where are you from? You’re not our Brennan Devlin, clearly, you’re younger than he should be…”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Fuck, I can’t hold on… I’ll answer while I can, but something’s pulling me back… I’m from 2019, I’m about to wrestle Cosmo…”
SOLDIER
“Listen… You can stop this, I think. None of this has to happen. You just have to beat Cosmo Cooper, stop the Russian government, and maybe kill Vanessa Byrne.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“OH, IT'S THAT EASY HUH?! I can do two of three of those things. But stop the Russian government?!”
SOLDIER
“Do it, Brennan, you’ve fixed time before, my mom told me.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Who’s your mom? Maybe I fucked her, ACE used to attract a lot of moms when I wrestled there.”
SOLDIER
“It doesn’t matter. Just… just get back in and time and fix everything if you can… If not, maybe I’ll see you someday.”
Brennan faded away in front of the soldier as Cosmobots surrounded him. This was the end for him, but the soldier smiled, peering around at his attackers.
SOLDIER
“You can do it, dad..”
Then the robots began to shoot the man much like the scene from Robocop, you know the one. Bullets splattering through the man as his body hit the ground, grasping a picture in his hand. One of the robots grabbed the picture and looked at it to see a man on it who looked similar to Brennan Devlin.
COSMOBOT
“We must tell Future Cosmo… there is an anomaly…”
The robot, whose voice was akin to Soundwave from the Transformers spoke… Then the horde of robots turned, moving in the direction of their master.
...
Zzz...
FREIGHT TRAIN
“Brennan!”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“What… what happened?”
FREIGHT TRAIN
“There was some turbulence, you bumped your head. Are you wigging out again?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Only if you count seeing the future… or a possible future as wigging out.”
VONTAVIO
“Oh my god, he’s doing it again.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Doing what? I just know what I have to do.”
BRAD MEDICINE
“What do you have to do, boss?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Well, one, I have to beat Cosmo, definitively - to the point the world knows, all of the worlds, that I overcame him. Two, one of you is going back to the states, you’re gonna go make sure nobody issues me a weird driver's license that says I’m a woman, make sure Brenda keeps her DNA to herself.”
VONTAVIO
“Okay, what the fuck are you drinking, Freight Train, sniff this.”
Vontavio took Brennan’s bottle and held it up to Freight Train, who sniffed it. Then they glanced over at Brennan.
FREIGHT TRAIN
“Have you taken anything from anyone who participates in weed and or football? Answer honestly.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“No - okay maybe, who knows? Anyway, listen, I see clearly now, more clearly than I ever have before. Cosmo is here to challenge me, he’ll do anything it takes to win, he’ll say mean things on Twitter, he’ll put his dick in anyone or anything that can get him the ‘W’. Even Vladimir Putin.”
VONTAVIO
“He is not banging Vladimir Putin.”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Not if I bang Vladimir Putin first…. I mean, uh. You know, no matter what, Cosmo Coopers tenure in Valor has to end tonight, this run thinking he can be champion, it has to stop. I need you guys to support me in this and do as I tell you.”
BRAD MEDICINE
“You know you always have our support, boss.”
Eventually, some time passed and the plane landed and they were to their destination. The city that would house the Equinox event right in scenic St. Petersburg, Russia. Once out of the airport, Brennan glanced back at his crew.
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“This is going to be big, guys. But as far as the in-ring stuff, I’ll handle that, without help. First, though, I need you Vontavio to dress up as a woman and infiltrate the government, make sure Cosmo doesn’t get into any contact with Putin as my vision suggested. Can you do that?”
VONTAVIO
“... Yeah, sure…”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“Alright, I’m off to figure some things out and hype this match in the only way I know how.”
FREIGHT TRAIN
“How are you going to do that?”
BRENNAN DEVLIN
“I don’t know, maybe meet a Russian guy with a weird name, offer every supporter who buys my merch a picture of Ramona and Brenda's tits, who knows? I always come up with something. Don’t worry.”
BRAD MEDICINE
“Should we like… follow him?”
VONTAVIO
“No, he has to do this on his own.”
The final scene would show Brennan Devlin descending upon an unsuspecting Russia. What would become of the battle between these two major Valor Pro Wrestling stars?!
After hours of hijinks, he found he was no closer to stopping the possible future where Russian hero Cosmo Cooper took hold, and it became clear what he needed to do. Twitter. Not just one tweet, not just two tweets, it would become the ‘Brennan beat Amy Jo Smyth for the James Avery Memorial Cup’ tweet he had spammed back in the days of Boardwalk Wrestling. Brennan would spam the timelines and in turn, fix the timeline of the planet to the one that was properly attuned to it.
All he had to do now was save the timeline… from Cosmo Cooper.[/font]
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