Post by Cosmo Cooper on Jan 24, 2019 14:25:05 GMT -5
“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.”
Cosmo Cooper knew the moment he stepped outside that morning that his grandmother would have loved to been outside that day. It was a warm 60 degrees, no wind with a cloudless sky. The day had been a blur to him, different people came up and shook his hand and told him how proud his grandmother would have been of him. If he had to recall the day years later, he probably would have remembered the weather and that was it. Somehow his body was floating in consciousness all day and he had made it to the hillside where his grandmother would be buried, right beside her husband. It was overlooking a small brook with a stone bridge leading to the gravesite.
“All I ever did was work hard to make her proud, to make sure she could get the medical care she deserved. When I signed the dotted line on my contract in AWE, I told her that I had made it, she never had to worry about making ends meet again… and now I have a chance to hoist a prize that… when I signed with AWE I never thought I had a chance of getting—not only because Valor didn’t exist but because I never thought I would be… here…”
We cut now to Cosmo Cooper sitting in a directors chair, cameras were trained on him with lighting rigs backing up where the camera was trained on him. This was a big deal if you haven’t paid attention. When he went into the wrestling business, a buddy of his who was an aspiring filmmaker decided to do a documentary on his rise in the wrestling business from… basically nothing.
“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.”
In a fuss, upset about a loss. Cosmo had booted the company from filming him. That was in 4CW, and for the first time in nearly a year. They were back. Cosmo had called because he told his friend despite his problems and issues, he would like his buddy to have an ending on the whole thing instead of scrapping the whole deal.
“Here” just so happened to be in the middle of a Valor ring. It was silent in the arena which would eventually be filled with people that he and Brennan Devlin talked through the door. He wore his usual flat bill hat, t-shirt and jogging pants but his eyes were red and tired. Making the trip right after the funeral had absolutely drained him. Emotionally and physically. He brought his hands into his eyes and pressed hard to try and quell the itching sensation they gave him as he tried to keep them open against the light.
“A part of me died, when my grandmother passed away. I thought I had reasons to smile—and I should. I have people who love me. I have people who will be there for me… but the light in my life has died, and even though you see it coming from a mile away. The train still has the ability to absolutely tear you apart… and there is no getting out of the way of this one.”
There was only a handful of people at the funeral. For the most part, he kept his head down and listened to the pastor droll through all of the usual bible verses and songs. Cosmo couldn’t bring himself to look at Riley beside him or meet anyone with his eyes. Instead he looked only to the sky as if it were a plea for help, or he looked down at the flowers that were placed at the top of the casket.
“I felt… guilt…” He rubbed the back of his head as he tossed the hat back on. “Like I could have done more… and it doesn’t matter how many times she told me to go chase my dreams, or that I shouldn’t worry about her because what would happen was going to happen and I couldn’t just stop my life. I couldn’t keep my mind off of my matches, and I felt guilty because the moment she passed away… the first thing I thought of was how the fuck can I make my match for Rebellion, but more importantly my match against Brennan Devlin in Valor… do you know… do you realize how fucked that is?”
….
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.”
….
“Do you know how fucked up it is that Devlin has consumed my waking thoughts so much, my desire to beat him is so strong that the first thing I did was think about how I was going to swing things to make that fucking match. And I realize I haven’t been human for a while. I feel like. I feel like a war machine that is just there to do one job. I feel like a robot that is hell bent and determined… I don’t have… feelings like other people do now. The only thing I want in this entire world is to see him put down for 10 seconds… and I want to see his face when I raise that title for everyone to see…”
Cosmo waved his hand as he sat in the chair. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to release some pressure before he looked back up into the camera with his red eyes.
“I get it. That’s going to make Brennan really fucking happy,” Cosmo shook his head. “I know… knowing that he has gotten to me will get his rocks off because he lives to try and make people mad with his sophomoric humor and his desire to be annoying outweighs his desire to be successful. We’ve seen him jerk himself off with feud after feud. Time after time. We don’t hear about his wins and losses because he just doesn’t care… he lives for this… he lives for driving his opponent crazy and it took me this long to really understand what that can do to someone…”
Pressing his fist against his forehead, he looked back up into the camera.
“So congratulations, Brennan. You just sealed your fucking fate. It was all fun and games, making fun of each other for saying the same thing over and over. Having your dog shit in my bag. The constant shots about how Twitter doesn’t matter and then your social media popping off once I called you out for not promoting your product. Fuck it. I don’t care anymore, because you took the one thing away from me that I could control and you made this about you. Your smug little face? You think you enjoyed making me bleed on the last show? I’m going to make sure you’re carted directly to the hospital.”
“Fuck the championship. Fuck promoting. I’m not going to smile for the cameras, I’m not going to wave at the fans. I’m coming to make sure you feel the pain… feel the pain of not being able to feel anything at all.”
Something in the distance caught his eye as he stood there by the casket. As he could feel all eyes on him as the pastor made a comment about how much Cosmo meant to her, his gaze went between two shoulders of relatives and then he saw her blonde hair and somber look.
It was Leela Watts.
The newest Valor signee was standing off in the distance, avoiding eye contact with Cosmo and he wasn’t sure if anyone else saw her but him. His first response was that he wanted to hug her, but he felt the weight of Riley on his right side. Cosmo knew she wouldn’t care—after all they both loved his grandma the same. Leela had taken care of her for some time and that couldn’t just be… forgotten… but more guilt began to stir around in his gut.
“Everyone who thinks that this is some kind of success story? Trust, I know Brennan will have a field day with her death. I know he will try and bury it all like I had to bury her. Everyone that’s going to paint the narrative that I’m going to win the belt and it’s somehow going to undo all of this? Everything that Brennan has said? That’s it’s a happy ending? It’s not… because it’s sad. It’s sad that I let something consume me this much. I’ve always been a competitive person but I’ve never let it get in the way of my loved ones… and I’ve done that. I sold everything that made me… me… for success and for money and for fame… and for what?!”
Angrily, he looked up to the camera.
“To be popular? And now I have to look at myself in the mirror and I have to ask… was it all worth it? Was it worth the bookings to leave her sitting… sick? Was it worth the bookings to leave her and Leela alone all of those times? Was it worth it fighting over a stupid goddamn nickname when everyone IN WRESTLING knows that I am everything Brennan Devlin is not?”
Lowering his head for a long time, he didn’t look up.
“Yeah. It fucking was.”
As the funeral came to an end, people began walking off one by one. The person he saw walk away first was Leela, she wasn’t going to stick around. For a moment they made eye contact and she turned her back, when she did he lost her in the throng of the small crowd walking away.
Nodding to Riley, she walked off from Cosmo leaving him alone. He didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin as he wore a suit and tie. At the graveside he didn’t even wear a hat. Grandma Cooper never passed up a chance to tell people how handsome he was all dressed up. Dropping down to one knee he took some of the dirt that was piled up and let it slip from a closed fist.
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.”
Standing back up he looked down at the casket being lowered by the funeral home workers that stood there, then he turned his back and began to walk away.
“Now? Whatever you want me to be. I’ll be. You want me to be your super hero wearing a cape to save you from all of the flamed out stars like Brennan Devlin? I’ll do it. You want me to be the one who is attached to Vanessa’s hip for a title shot? I’ll do it. You want me to be the cheater. You want me to be the frat boy? I’ll be it… but let me make one thing perfectly clear to each and every ear who hears this…”
“If what I went through didn’t hold me back from becoming what I became? Then imagine what is going to happen now. I’m not holding back. I have nobody I have to answer to. I have nobody that you can use against me now… so you shouldn’t have been rooting for her death. You should have been rooting for her health… because the biggest loser in all of this is going to be Brennan Devlin… when he has nowhere to run, and he has no excuses when he loses.”
“Keep all of the nicknames you’ve ripped off of other people. Keep your bravado and your edginess. Nothing, not even a win over me will bring the relevancy you had when Boardwalk was open. And finally, nothing is holding me back anymore from being what I have to be to be… to win a match like this.”
Cosmo stood up from the chair and pulled the microphone off. He let it drop beside him as he walked away, we fade into him walking down the hill and out of sight. One lasting look at him over the fresh grave.
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Cosmo Cooper knew the moment he stepped outside that morning that his grandmother would have loved to been outside that day. It was a warm 60 degrees, no wind with a cloudless sky. The day had been a blur to him, different people came up and shook his hand and told him how proud his grandmother would have been of him. If he had to recall the day years later, he probably would have remembered the weather and that was it. Somehow his body was floating in consciousness all day and he had made it to the hillside where his grandmother would be buried, right beside her husband. It was overlooking a small brook with a stone bridge leading to the gravesite.
“All I ever did was work hard to make her proud, to make sure she could get the medical care she deserved. When I signed the dotted line on my contract in AWE, I told her that I had made it, she never had to worry about making ends meet again… and now I have a chance to hoist a prize that… when I signed with AWE I never thought I had a chance of getting—not only because Valor didn’t exist but because I never thought I would be… here…”
We cut now to Cosmo Cooper sitting in a directors chair, cameras were trained on him with lighting rigs backing up where the camera was trained on him. This was a big deal if you haven’t paid attention. When he went into the wrestling business, a buddy of his who was an aspiring filmmaker decided to do a documentary on his rise in the wrestling business from… basically nothing.
“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.”
In a fuss, upset about a loss. Cosmo had booted the company from filming him. That was in 4CW, and for the first time in nearly a year. They were back. Cosmo had called because he told his friend despite his problems and issues, he would like his buddy to have an ending on the whole thing instead of scrapping the whole deal.
“Here” just so happened to be in the middle of a Valor ring. It was silent in the arena which would eventually be filled with people that he and Brennan Devlin talked through the door. He wore his usual flat bill hat, t-shirt and jogging pants but his eyes were red and tired. Making the trip right after the funeral had absolutely drained him. Emotionally and physically. He brought his hands into his eyes and pressed hard to try and quell the itching sensation they gave him as he tried to keep them open against the light.
“A part of me died, when my grandmother passed away. I thought I had reasons to smile—and I should. I have people who love me. I have people who will be there for me… but the light in my life has died, and even though you see it coming from a mile away. The train still has the ability to absolutely tear you apart… and there is no getting out of the way of this one.”
There was only a handful of people at the funeral. For the most part, he kept his head down and listened to the pastor droll through all of the usual bible verses and songs. Cosmo couldn’t bring himself to look at Riley beside him or meet anyone with his eyes. Instead he looked only to the sky as if it were a plea for help, or he looked down at the flowers that were placed at the top of the casket.
“I felt… guilt…” He rubbed the back of his head as he tossed the hat back on. “Like I could have done more… and it doesn’t matter how many times she told me to go chase my dreams, or that I shouldn’t worry about her because what would happen was going to happen and I couldn’t just stop my life. I couldn’t keep my mind off of my matches, and I felt guilty because the moment she passed away… the first thing I thought of was how the fuck can I make my match for Rebellion, but more importantly my match against Brennan Devlin in Valor… do you know… do you realize how fucked that is?”
….
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.”
….
“Do you know how fucked up it is that Devlin has consumed my waking thoughts so much, my desire to beat him is so strong that the first thing I did was think about how I was going to swing things to make that fucking match. And I realize I haven’t been human for a while. I feel like. I feel like a war machine that is just there to do one job. I feel like a robot that is hell bent and determined… I don’t have… feelings like other people do now. The only thing I want in this entire world is to see him put down for 10 seconds… and I want to see his face when I raise that title for everyone to see…”
Cosmo waved his hand as he sat in the chair. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to release some pressure before he looked back up into the camera with his red eyes.
“I get it. That’s going to make Brennan really fucking happy,” Cosmo shook his head. “I know… knowing that he has gotten to me will get his rocks off because he lives to try and make people mad with his sophomoric humor and his desire to be annoying outweighs his desire to be successful. We’ve seen him jerk himself off with feud after feud. Time after time. We don’t hear about his wins and losses because he just doesn’t care… he lives for this… he lives for driving his opponent crazy and it took me this long to really understand what that can do to someone…”
Pressing his fist against his forehead, he looked back up into the camera.
“So congratulations, Brennan. You just sealed your fucking fate. It was all fun and games, making fun of each other for saying the same thing over and over. Having your dog shit in my bag. The constant shots about how Twitter doesn’t matter and then your social media popping off once I called you out for not promoting your product. Fuck it. I don’t care anymore, because you took the one thing away from me that I could control and you made this about you. Your smug little face? You think you enjoyed making me bleed on the last show? I’m going to make sure you’re carted directly to the hospital.”
“Fuck the championship. Fuck promoting. I’m not going to smile for the cameras, I’m not going to wave at the fans. I’m coming to make sure you feel the pain… feel the pain of not being able to feel anything at all.”
Something in the distance caught his eye as he stood there by the casket. As he could feel all eyes on him as the pastor made a comment about how much Cosmo meant to her, his gaze went between two shoulders of relatives and then he saw her blonde hair and somber look.
It was Leela Watts.
The newest Valor signee was standing off in the distance, avoiding eye contact with Cosmo and he wasn’t sure if anyone else saw her but him. His first response was that he wanted to hug her, but he felt the weight of Riley on his right side. Cosmo knew she wouldn’t care—after all they both loved his grandma the same. Leela had taken care of her for some time and that couldn’t just be… forgotten… but more guilt began to stir around in his gut.
“Everyone who thinks that this is some kind of success story? Trust, I know Brennan will have a field day with her death. I know he will try and bury it all like I had to bury her. Everyone that’s going to paint the narrative that I’m going to win the belt and it’s somehow going to undo all of this? Everything that Brennan has said? That’s it’s a happy ending? It’s not… because it’s sad. It’s sad that I let something consume me this much. I’ve always been a competitive person but I’ve never let it get in the way of my loved ones… and I’ve done that. I sold everything that made me… me… for success and for money and for fame… and for what?!”
Angrily, he looked up to the camera.
“To be popular? And now I have to look at myself in the mirror and I have to ask… was it all worth it? Was it worth the bookings to leave her sitting… sick? Was it worth the bookings to leave her and Leela alone all of those times? Was it worth it fighting over a stupid goddamn nickname when everyone IN WRESTLING knows that I am everything Brennan Devlin is not?”
Lowering his head for a long time, he didn’t look up.
“Yeah. It fucking was.”
As the funeral came to an end, people began walking off one by one. The person he saw walk away first was Leela, she wasn’t going to stick around. For a moment they made eye contact and she turned her back, when she did he lost her in the throng of the small crowd walking away.
Nodding to Riley, she walked off from Cosmo leaving him alone. He didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin as he wore a suit and tie. At the graveside he didn’t even wear a hat. Grandma Cooper never passed up a chance to tell people how handsome he was all dressed up. Dropping down to one knee he took some of the dirt that was piled up and let it slip from a closed fist.
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.”
Standing back up he looked down at the casket being lowered by the funeral home workers that stood there, then he turned his back and began to walk away.
“Now? Whatever you want me to be. I’ll be. You want me to be your super hero wearing a cape to save you from all of the flamed out stars like Brennan Devlin? I’ll do it. You want me to be the one who is attached to Vanessa’s hip for a title shot? I’ll do it. You want me to be the cheater. You want me to be the frat boy? I’ll be it… but let me make one thing perfectly clear to each and every ear who hears this…”
“If what I went through didn’t hold me back from becoming what I became? Then imagine what is going to happen now. I’m not holding back. I have nobody I have to answer to. I have nobody that you can use against me now… so you shouldn’t have been rooting for her death. You should have been rooting for her health… because the biggest loser in all of this is going to be Brennan Devlin… when he has nowhere to run, and he has no excuses when he loses.”
“Keep all of the nicknames you’ve ripped off of other people. Keep your bravado and your edginess. Nothing, not even a win over me will bring the relevancy you had when Boardwalk was open. And finally, nothing is holding me back anymore from being what I have to be to be… to win a match like this.”
Cosmo stood up from the chair and pulled the microphone off. He let it drop beside him as he walked away, we fade into him walking down the hill and out of sight. One lasting look at him over the fresh grave.
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”