Post by Chris Callum on Sept 6, 2019 6:54:36 GMT -5
Black and Deep Desires
KO: Oh quit your whining! Chris Callum is the new Apex Champion, JUST like I said he would be. Danny Rizzo beat Katya Djurdjevic in her last chance to take the title from him, JUST like I said he would. AND Devlin's back! It's wins all around, Laur!
LO: Oh yeah, it's such a huge win for us. Rizzo cheats Katya, Devlin cheats everyone. I don't blame Chris Callum for any of this. He doesn't have a clue. He still doesn't....just look at him.
“But I knew.”
The audio from the announcers has faded to silence. The camera shows us Chris Callum once more standing in front of a black backdrop, the Apex Championship over his shoulder.
“How could I not? I dreamed of that moment for months. It was the fantasy I replayed in my head every night when I got into bed. It always went like this: Cosmo and I are on the mat after wrestling for half an hour. We’re both tired and broken. We look into each other’s eyes for just a moment and we wonder if it was all worth it. Then I roll over. It takes a while, but I roll over. I drape my arm across his chest. It’s hot and slick. The referee counts to three. I’m the winner.”
He lets his head sink backwards.
“I could tell you what I smelled and what I felt - each individual pain - where it started and where it spread. Blood from a cut on my bottom lip where he caught me with an elbow. I had it all planned. Every detail. Carefully considered and reconsidered. My most vivid fantasy. I knew when reality turned a different way.”
Callum’s head fell forward. His eyes stared deep into the camera.
“You know about fantasies, Devlin, don’t you? Every night when you close your eyes you imagine a world where you aren’t considered a failure. A world where you pin Cosmo Cooper at Rite of Kings like you said you would. A world where you don’t lie there while a referee counts to ten against Bryan Laughlin at South Beach Brawl. A world where you’re a champion in two companies.”
After a smile, Callum continued.
“But when Cosmo was on top of you, you knew it wasn’t right. When Laughlin put you down for a ten count, you knew it wasn’t right. You could see nothing but black, but you knew… somewhere deep inside that big head of head of yours… that this was not the way you imagined it. It’s something visceral… something so deep and intense… when you are seconds away from living out your fantasy but it is ripped from you at the last possible moment.”
He hesitated. For a moment, he allowed himself to feel that feeling again. His eyes closed. His breathing slowed. Chills went down his right arm and he flinched at the feeling, but couldn’t get a way. But only for a moment. After composing himself he spoke again.
“That’s the tragic thing about the two of us, Brennan - we won’t ever get to live out our fantasies. You stood in my way. You stood in your own way. And now the only thing left for the two of us to keep the fantasy alive, but it’s sadder now, because it can never come true. And all of that is your fault.”
A beat. It is clear that Callum feels genuine pain as he speaks.
“It must be hard being you. To be such a miserable little cunt. You talk yourself up because it’s the only way you can live with the fact that you’ve never accomplished anything that you’re really proud of. You set goals and you fantasize but at the end of the day you’ve never been man enough to get what you want, so you take it from people like me.”
He turns his head toward the Apex Championship, running a finger along the etched “Chris Callum” in gold letters.
“Because remember, Brennan, I have what you want. I have the Apex Championship. That’s real, and you made it happen. You made sure it happened. So now when you fantasize about what your career could be, I’ll always be a part of that. Maybe in your fantasies you’re beating me. Maybe in your fantasies you are the one who finally puts me in my place and shows the world that Chris Callum really is just another over-hyped professional wrestler - but the reality is something different. It’s something you need to contend with now. ”
Back to the camera.
“There are so many other wrestlers in this company that deserve the spot you stole. Katya. Rizzo. Moxie. Daivd Scott. Hell, throw Bryan Williams in there - at least he wouldn’t treat this opportunity like a joke. Brennan, you may not realize it but stepping into the ring with me is the chance of a lifetime. I’m sure you were hoping that Cosmo Cooper would stay around so you could beat him when he was tired and broken, but he’s gone. So you get me. I’m going to push you further than you’ve ever been pushed and I’m going to make you work for everything you dream of. I don’t think you’re ready… I don’t think you’ll ever be ready.”
He lifts his head.
“I’m not going to be the guy that wins the title and then fizzles out. I’m here to stay. I know that may be hard to believe. Maybe you thought that taking away the satisfaction I would have felt by beating Cosmo Cooper fair and square would be enough to push me out, but I’m sorry to say that isn’t the case. Throughout my career I’ve had broken jaws and broken legs that tested my patience - tested my dedication… but when push comes to shove I’m here to prove that I’m the best in the world. No amount of bullshit is ever going to deter me.”
Leaning into the camera, Callum beings to speak with more intensity.
“When I put you down on Sunday, save your tears. I don’t want to see them, and no one from Valor wants to see them either. This is your last shot to prove you’re worth something. You have all the talent in the world, but if you can’t put it together, you’ll really have lost to everyone worth a damn in this company. There’s no spinning your way out of that. Brennan Devlin, and any aura surrounding him that’s left, will be finished.”
He pauses, taking in a sharp breath and then moving back.
“When you’re done, you can go back to living on the internet, poking and prodding other wrestlers all day. That’s where you belong. That’s where you’re comfortable. That’s the only place where you’re really a force to be reckoned with.”
He extends his finger toward the camera.
“But on Sunday, at Blitz, I’m finally getting the chance to mold Valor in my image. And my fantasy… my dream company… it doesn’t include you. And you’re not going to stop me this time.”
The shot gently fades to black.
--
Toronto. Friday night. Chris Callum is perched in the hotel room chair. The curtain is pulled back in his hotel room, and as he speaks on the phone to Ben, he looks out over the city below. From this vantage he could see the world below him pass by, and when he wanted, he could close it off and make it disappear. It was the ultimate form of control, and his ultimate fantasy.
“She’s okay, right? I figured you wouldn’t have left if she really needed help.”
Ben spoke about his sister, Katie. The thought of Katie’s escapades make his stomach churn.
“She’s fine. I think she knows how to handle a situation like that.”
Images flashed in his mind of that man on top of her. Katie probably pushed her way out. She was stronger than she looked.
“You know I offered to go back in there and deal with him.”
Ben said nothing on the other end of the line. Just that quiet but not so quiet sound on the other end of the line. Finally, Ben let out a long sigh.
“Well… I’m glad it didn’t come to that. Sometimes it’s best to let people deal with their own problems...”
Callum knew that was true. Thankfully for Katie there was no Brennan Devlin to show up at the climax of her meeting and deprive her the satisfaction of an escape. If only he could have been so lucky.
No, there was nothing lucky about what she experienced. An unwanted advance. It could have been a rape, or a murder. Maybe it wasn’t that bad… but it could have been. He pressed that thought out of his mind.
“If you went in there and… beat up the guy or whatever… she’d think she needed you. And she doesn’t She’s got along just fine without you there to finish the job.”
His mind drifted to Devlin again, and he hated it. He pressed it out. He needed to compartmentalize wrestling again to its appropriate place in his mind, but he struggled to do it.
“I asked for your number from her as soon as I thought it was appropriate. I promise I wasn’t playing hard to get… or anything.”
He heard a soft laugh on the other end of the line.
“No… I get it. It’s fine. I’m just happy you called.”
A silence came between them. He felt that they were both smiling at different points across the world.
“I’d like to meet you again. Somewhere we won’t be interrupted.”
Ben’s voice raised to a higher pitch.
“Yeah… I’d like that too. But first, I mean, I need to know…”
He struggled to decide on exactly how to proceed.
“Like… are you looking for something serious? Or is this just something you want to do to keep your mind off of… whatever it is you’re doing this week.”
Callum didn’t know the answer. He could save him with the truth or hurt him with a lie. Or was it the other way around?
“Where even are you? Cambodia? San Marino? Mordor?”
Ben had interrupted his thought. Callum pressed his fingers to his eyes as he leaned back in the chair.
“Can’t we just talk. Like we did at the party? I liked that.”
For a while, Ben said nothing. Callum waited in anticipation.
“Okay. I’m fine with starting there.”
Relief.
“Okay.”
And then more silence.
“I need to go to bed. Tomorrow they keep us busy.”
“Yeah… yeah. We can talk again soon. That’s fine. I mean I’ll be around and when you’re around we can figure out the next step.”
“Alright. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
The call ended.
Had that gone well, he wondered? It was such a petty thought. But he hated himself for thinking it was a petty thought. For most people, these are the big questions. The biggest goals of their lives. To find someone who is their perfect match - to love and be loved.
But for Chris, there was an inherent distance in relationships like this. His focus was solely on professional wrestling, and he decided long ago that this was the appropriate way to live his life.
There will come a time, he knew, when his body began to fail and professional wrestling was longer the only thing that could sustain him. Maybe he could go back to an office job, like he had in the CWC, but his time in and around the ring would end sometime. And then what would sustain him.
He pressed his head into the pillow and closed his eyes. He ran through the fantasy of his life once more.
Pulling away from Aspen Chaud.
Beating Cosmo Cooper.
Punishing Brennan Devlin.
And before he could develop a vision that involved Ben, he was fast asleep.