Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2019 17:09:30 GMT -5
Serendipity
The past session with the doctor had ebbed and flowed from the tedious questions about John’s nature to a probing inquiry about mortality. John had let it slip about their changed itinerary and that interested Moriarty mightily. But past that, John had the notion that like many other people, she knew more than she was telling him. Part of him wanted to confront her and tell her to just come out with it already but he just couldn’t.
“How did you feel about Christina’s death?”
He gave an answer. Maybe the one the doctor wanted to hear. But it didn’t come out exactly like he envisioned.
“I guess I felt sad.”
But as he had previously concluded - that wasn’t the case. It was more relief than anything. But that was more than the usual. Confronted with the imageries of horrible things happening everyday, John didn’t flinch. And while sobbing and sniffling persisted throughout the entire service, John sat face forward, stone faced, with hands clasped in his lap. John supposed he could pretend but that wasn’t the right thing to do either. The reality of this was difficult for many to face. Even more difficult to put voice to it. Someone has no more left to give, body ravaged, life essence drained away by a terminal disease - and finally, it ends. Good for that person.
But ultimately, he guessed that he did feel sad about this.
After most had left, John and Mike sat together on a stone bench under the shade of a tree in a graveyard in Marysville, Missouri. Both were wearing black suits.
There was a flight to catch in a few hours. Mike and John had to turn their attention back to business. Mike, as they had for most of this, had both their arms tucked around his left. Nobody’d said anything- after all, the point was hardly whether two people in attendance were romantically involved. Their legs swung a bit, looking out over the field studded with slabs and statues of marble and granite, one with a freshly filled in plot right before it.
“So… I guess now it’s on to the other thing we gotta do that’s gonna make me wanna fuckin’ cry.”
They let out a dry laugh. It was a weak attempt at a joke, some wild grasp at reclaiming their normal self.
“We can worry about that later.”
“I guess so.”
They sighed, leaning their cheek against his shoulder. Some birds twittered cheerfully in the trees almost in defiance of the general pall of grief that rested over the cemetery, even now that it was mostly empty of the living.
“I kinda wish we could stay for the memorial. I’d almost rather do that.”
John nodded with commiseration or his best approximation of it.
One of the birds took off from the tree they were sitting under, flying off into the mostly clear sky. Mike watched it with an uncharacteristically soft expression.
“Hey, bud. Do you believe in reincarnation?”
“No…” John’s answers would normally be emphatic … but he trailed off in that denial, “Not sure I believe in any of that. But just because I don’t believe or don’t know doesn’t make it false. Could even explain a lot.”
“I dunno if I really do either. It’s a nice thought though, coming back as something else. I… heh. I meant that thing I said back in Morocco. If reincarnation is a thing, I wanna come back as a shark.”
They gave that light laugh again, though it seemed less forced, less desperate.
“I’d come back as a cat.”
“A cat? I was thinking like… a unicorn or something. But I can totally see that. One of those big puffy white cats that like to lay around in the sun and get fuckin’ pets and loved on all day. Maybe even fed Fancy Feast in a crystal goblet.”
They smiled, and sighed.
“Aww, but if you’re a cat and I’m a shark then we can’t hang out. And I’ll miss you and be a sad shark.”
John fidgeted with his watch, “You’d probably eat me.”
“Nope. I’d eat all the fish I wanted and then bring you what’s left. Even if you were a puffy-ass cat I’d know you.”
Mike looked up, somehow in the light silliness of this conversation very earnest. As if as farfetched as what they were about to say was, they were completely certain of it.
“How couldn’t I know you? You’re my fuckin’ soulmate.”
This was that sort of thing that John battled himself over. He had known Mike for almost his whole life now. Maybe not technically. Very hard to wipe away the previous forty or so years but it had been done pretty effectively inside of that cell. But the doctor had made it clear that all of that wasn’t the cause. She said with a knowing smile, “This is just who you are, John.”
He wanted to lash out against that. He was starting to hate who he was. Whatever that was.
Except with Mike, there was something that wasn’t that previously employed facade. A total understanding between them. The ideals that make the term soulmate more than an empty platitude.
Best he could figure is something that probably sounded ridiculous, “I like that.”
“So do I. Cuz I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t really mean it,” they looked down almost shyly, one hand slipping down and tucking itself comfortably into his, “I feel like… I dunno. Like I took you home with me cuz something in me really felt I should, not just ‘cuz it was the right thing to do but… like I was supposed to.”
Serendipity was a common trope within literature. John liked to read about that nonetheless. Maybe this was that. He wasn’t sure. He felt ill-equipped.
“Possibly,” John concluded, “we’ll figure that out.”
This time he looked at his watch. It was time to go. Too bad cause despite the circumstances being what they were, a simple quiet drive had been good for the both of them. Had distracted from what was looming over them. A stark reminder of how toxic the business had become. But John had settled with that. There was something else. Couldn’t put his finger on it but it felt like a chip in a window. Could spider out any moment.
Wouldn’t be good.