Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2019 22:16:32 GMT -5
Fallout
Didn’t dissipate.
John exited the ring.
Fists balled tightly.
Entered their home through the sliding glass door. Kicked off the grass stained shoes he had mowed the lawn in earlier that day. Filled a glass with cold water from the tap. Better. He stared back into the yard. The ring. The tree overhead. Mike approached now.
They stood beside him in silence for a while, looking out in the same direction. The floodlight had been turned off, but the moon was bright enough to cast a faint silvery sheen on the ring, everything in the backyard highlighted in a pale silhouette.
“...are you ok?”
Obviously not, but Mike had been given clear advice not to bring up the source of the not-okayness until he did first. Thirst quenched, John set the glass down on the counter. He met Mike’s eyes through the reflection in the window.
“No.”
Their hand slid close to where his rested on the formica, their pinky finger lifting and stroking against his, a slight physical presence, a small reassurance in case he didn’t want a larger one. They’d never seen him like this- correction, they hadn’t seen him like this since the night they brought him home- and how much contact would be desirable was yet another thing right now that they didn’t know.
“D’you... want to talk about it?”
Didn’t feel it towards them. But it was still there. Impulse control felt unchecked.
“Okay.”
Mike sighed, their other hand reaching up to their mouth, teeth gnawing at their knuckles. It was a habit that’d all but vanished over time but a clear sign of anxiousness on their part.
“I don’t know what’s going on. You said everything was fine but there’s been all this fuckin’... tension since this afternoon. And you going off just then? Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome and nothin’ you said was incorrect, but…”
They shrugged. Their teeth left marks in their callouses.
“...I dunno. It ain’t like you. I ain’t seen you blow up like that since you blew up at me like, a billion years ago.”
They gave a light ‘heh’ and a smile, though there was a definite nervous energy behind it.
“Sorry.”
“No, you don’t… you don’t gotta apologize for nothin’.”
Their mind flicked back to that night. He hadn’t had the money to pay for car repairs so they’d been promised an IOU after the show he was booked on. He’d given them tickets and backstage passes as a token of goodwill. Seeing the show had sparked, once again, the desire to compete in them. They tried to speak to him, but had inadvertently hit a nerve that had unleashed an absolute fireball of rage that must’ve been pent up for decades. Of course, it had cooled off and the rest was history, and Mike hadn’t seen anything like it out of him since. Until tonight. They sighed.
“You didn’t do nothin’ bad. I… I just wanna know what’s wrong so I can help. Much’s it seems it, much’s I wish I could… I can’t really read your mind, y’know.”
They nipped at their fingers again.
“Feels like you do. Feels like everyone does,” he had said as much before but now there was that knowledge he now possessed, “But I get it now.”
“Sorry.”
They gave their knuckles one more savage bite, winced, and lowered their hand to the counter. Mike figured that was enough of an allowance, they could speak on it now. They looked up, attentive.
“Can’t help it. Guess it was obvious,” he continued to speak at both of their reflections now, “Explains a lot.”
“Not really. I mean… I had no idea until LJ floated the notion to me. At the lake when we did that viking thing. And I wanted to tell you for the longest time but then I thought, what the fuck do I know? I ain’t a professional. I didn’t wanna say something like that and be wrong, but at the same time…”
They sighed. Curled their fingers inward to resist the urge to bite at them again. Their teeth found their lower lip instead.
“...everytime you said that there was something wrong with you it hurt. It hurt bad cuz you’re too fuckin’ precious to be talking about yourself like that, especially cuz there isn’t anything wrong with you. Different ain’t wrong. No matter what the morons in the peanut gallery say.”
“Wish it was that simple, Mike,” the realization that he was such an easy target for so long was now surging through him, “And I know you mean it. But nothing you say. Nothing anyone says takes away that there just is this...thing. Can’t even, even … I know what you do.”
Couldn’t remember her face but like a flash, he could remember a phone conversation he’d overheard one day. Never meant anything because why would she be talking about him. He’s a doormat. He’s my wallet.
But that’s not on Mike.
“I’ve tried. Believe me. But it just doesn’t work that way. Come to think of it, I was living in that car before I met you. Was taking only cash for payment because bank accounts always confused me. Always wondered why the number kept getting smaller when I didn’t do anything. Suspect I know now,” he finally turned to Mike, “You’ve always shot straight with me so don’t deviate.”
“That’s why we’re a team. We cover for each other in the ring, why should anything else be any different? There’s a ton of shit you’re better than me at, anyway. I keep the books even, you… well, you know what the place was like when you first moved in. We fill in the gaps. There’s no reason why anything has to be different than what it’s been. There’s just a label for that thing you thought was wrong with you till now.”
They looked up at him. Speaking, as always and as requested, straight.
“I’ve always said it and I’ve always meant it. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re absolutely perfect as you are. You don’t need to worry about a thing cuz I’ve got your back, just like I know you’ve got mine.”
For the moment, his body loosened. As scary as that wave was, it broke against the rocks all the same.
“Yeah.”