Post by Lisa Seldon on Oct 31, 2019 19:51:08 GMT -5
Before tonight Lisa had never been to a Denny’s. After tonight she probably never would again. Over the past few weeks she’s watched nothing but episodes of Seinfeld back to back, finally catching her up on about a decade of out of date American culture. It occurred to her then that, despite having a tediously long career in the States, she hadn’t actually gone out to see it.
Now she was catching up on several years of garbage American culture and Ana was along for the ride. She looked thrilled. Positively.
“Early on in the year of our lord, twenty nineteen, Ana and I were both at loose ends. She was in a strop about being another 4CW championship failure after trying to win the thing for like 50 years and I was getting bored winning everything everywhere I went.”
“You were sad because you’d just lost in the Crown of the King Cobra Tournament to that stupid Egyptian Mummy thing.”
Lisa said nothing, but did shatter the glass she had in her hand, so it was probably not far off the mark. If it had been a nicer restaurant people would have been giving them dirty looks, but it would be weirder if you walked into a Denny’s and no one was self-harming.
“We were both lost at sea. Her more than me because I was actually doing great, but we needed a new direction.”
She was bleeding a lot. Ana tried to hand her a paper towel but Lisa pretended not to notice.
“For a good part of the year we’d been teaming together as the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad, but we hadn’t really done a lot with it. It started in Japan in Kamikaze Pro, largely through necessity. We couldn’t give up any ground to the Dogs of War because they were terrible and that would have been embarrassing, so we banded together.
The group had a lot of moving parts, but the two of us were gaining ground as a team. We had the Rose City tag titles, we were doing well in that SSW tournament, Ana was crying herself to sleep less and less often. We had something here. Clearly it was worth pursuing.”
Ana was doing her best to tune out and take in the sights. She had been to a Denny’s just one other time. It was 2AM in Texas and a cowboy was trying to pick up two women at the bar by showing them his taser. This one was a lot less interesting.
“Fast forward a few months now, and we’re one of only a handful of teams that anyone either likes or has heard of. We left Rose City with our championship reign in tact, we romped to victory against a who’s who of people I’ve been rude about in the Union Battleground War of the Worlds and we managed to avoid getting our shit processed by a bunch of joke teams like all of our detractors have any time they’ve been in a company where they had to cut a promo.
We’ve done well for ourselves. And now between storming the finals of the FGA tag tournament and reigniting our reign in Union, we’ve found our way here. We’ve earned a bit of a reputation to defend. Also I’ve been ranting for months now about how great tag wrestling is and now companies are expecting us to make good on our words.”
She went to take a drink and then remembered she killed it in a fit of pique. She looked quite sad for a second.
“For what it’s worth I stand by everything nice I’ve ever said about tag wrestling. I made my start doing it, I was drawn to it, and despite every accolade I’ve gained alone, I always find my way back to it. By the start of next month I’ll have begun a campaign to win my third Deathmatch tournament of the year in DTW. Ana just got done fighting to be 4CW champion in the Hideous Cage of Murder or whatever they’re calling it.”
“Those are all Battleground shows so they have to acknowledge them as relevant.”
“We’re both stupid mega busy, successful, rich idiots, but I still made sure to make time in our schedules because there’s a hot new up and coming team and I wanted to fight them.
I give a shit. Probably too much. I’m working at a detriment and dragging her down with me, but I already messed up one chance to strengthen our position as the best team in the universe forever and I’d hate to see a second pass us by.”
She hung her head to one side.
“Conversely, the Valor champions haven’t got a great deal to shout about. So far they’ve managed to fight the same team three times and eventually beat them once. Their accolades sort of dry up at that point but they’re running unopposed because all of the Zombies were busy.
I get it. It’s hard to float a division. You see it everywhere you go. 4CW is supposed to house the best of the best and their champs can’t buy a win any other day of the week. You guys in Valor have done alright, but now they’ve had to throw a giant sack of cash and sports cars our way because every time a team here takes a loss the division dies underneath them.
There’s a well researched theory that teams are generally made up of wrestlers who couldn’t get anywhere on their own. It’s very hard to argue against that when every attempt any company has ever made to flesh out their tag division gifts them three teams who are all too weak and won’t survive the winter. It’s sad. I’m very sad about it.”
She traced a fake tear down her cheek to emphasise that she was sad.
“Ana and I want to change the message. We’ve done it all when we were doing it alone and now we’ve put together a team that’s somehow bigger than the sum of its parts. We’ve survived our downfalls, grown in our triumphs and already we’ve been doing this long enough to get tired of these teams who haven’t even been together long enough to learn each other’s names.
The Dead End Friends look to be a positive exception. They’ve stuck to their game. They’ve tried and failed and tried again. It’s not much I’m aware, but at least it’s a start. Already I’m looking forward to coming back here maybe a year from now and seeing who they’ve become, but for now we’re content to knock them six kinds of stupid and show them how far they’ve yet to go.”
Lisa lost all momentum for a second, turning to shoot a glance at Ana for chewing in what she would later describe as a passive-aggressive way.
“I like Zack and I’m aware that Benny is a person who exists. Fun guy. Little delusional. The two of them just barely got a name together and now he’s sitting cross-legged on the mountain top trying to give away the secret to maintaining a successful working relationship.
If you think you’ve mastered Zen and the Art of Tag Shit because you’ve stepped over the first hurdle then we’re about to ruin your whole life. You beat two fucking crybabies who dropped off on a loss and appeared in a whole other company where they knew people were going to suck their dicks and pretend they mattered.
We’re drawing on more ring time than this whole division put together and you’ve been doing this not nearly long enough. I genuinely hope you make something of this because we’re tired of running through teams who haven’t been together long enough to learn each other's names, but I think we’re still a little-ways out.”
She dropped a little sigh.
“As for Zack? I’m glad he’s finally having a good time. I’d be pretty amped up too if I’d been bumming around for the better part of a year and only now had something to show for it. He’s got some flair, a title, someone who is contractually obligated to talk to him on a weekly basis. He’s tried a few teams and they’ve all failed miserably but he’s on to something now. He’s flexing on losers despite their entire collateral consisting of a win over the Zombie Vice Squad - a team very much looking back on their better days by now - and he’s even got a cool scar because he’s bad at falling off things and not landing on his head.
He’s doing great. He looks fucked but he carries it well and it seems like he’s having a good time doing it. I hope it carries on for a good long time, but we’re not here for it to carry on at our expense. We went all around the world building a reputation. Now we’re going to bludgeon him to death with it.
Basically, I think he’s a very attractive man, albeit it in a sort of Sid the Sloth looking way, and I’m sad we might have to ruin it, but someone has to bring the man back down to earth. Before he goes off, gets carried away and fumbles it like last time.”
“Lisa is only attracted to human garbage.”
Lisa held up her hand. The intention was to show you her wedding ring, which would have meant a great deal more if you were there for her first marriage. Instead, all you notice is that she was still bleeding and not doing anything about it. Strange woman. Very strange.
“You know I really like this team. I sat down with my notebook and pen because I’m very fancy and old fashioned, but the only real stumbling block I’ve found is that they haven’t been doing this for very long. It’s fairly important. You don’t get off the couch and run your first marathon in a day, and that’s sort of where we’re at. They’re not, but they’re on their way.
Valor lucked out when they put these two stupid little bitches together. They’re the sort of talismanic duo this company has been waiting for. I look forward to watching them corner this division. I’m already excited for round two and I want to see how far they can go.”
She sat with that one for just a second.
“Obviously they’re going to lose and it’s going to be messy, but they’ll come back better for it. They said they wanted a wall to measure up to. They were never going to get that with Not Safe From Words but we’ll happily step up.
We’re going to give you all a show; just a little taste of the sort of team you’re going to have on your hands just a couple of shows from now. Good teams are at their best when good teams are coming after them and we’re going to make sure they wake up the day after with something to fight for.”
Rising to a crescendo, Lisa snatched Ana’s drink and tanked it in one. Sierra Mist, obviously. The drink of champions the world over.
“Tag wrestling isn’t your fall back anymore. You don’t get to keep hanging a belt on you shoulder just because you lucked into a friend. We’ve done what we can to level every division we’ve run through and exposed a million one and done teams doing it. Those days are dead and gone, you actually have to give a shit now.
We’ve done what we can to reset the standard and it’s happening before your eyes. If you want to get in on the next big thing in this sport, then you better start buying your Dead End Friends shirts, because they’re about to become the team to beat.
We’re just going to do it now, before it becomes cool. And I look forward to doing it again and again, and again and again.”
She threw us a wink as we started to turn away. We lingered just long enough to hear them talking. Apparently, Lisa was beginning to feel a bit light headed. Who would have thought.
Now she was catching up on several years of garbage American culture and Ana was along for the ride. She looked thrilled. Positively.
“Early on in the year of our lord, twenty nineteen, Ana and I were both at loose ends. She was in a strop about being another 4CW championship failure after trying to win the thing for like 50 years and I was getting bored winning everything everywhere I went.”
“You were sad because you’d just lost in the Crown of the King Cobra Tournament to that stupid Egyptian Mummy thing.”
Lisa said nothing, but did shatter the glass she had in her hand, so it was probably not far off the mark. If it had been a nicer restaurant people would have been giving them dirty looks, but it would be weirder if you walked into a Denny’s and no one was self-harming.
“We were both lost at sea. Her more than me because I was actually doing great, but we needed a new direction.”
She was bleeding a lot. Ana tried to hand her a paper towel but Lisa pretended not to notice.
“For a good part of the year we’d been teaming together as the Hellcat Spangled Death Squad, but we hadn’t really done a lot with it. It started in Japan in Kamikaze Pro, largely through necessity. We couldn’t give up any ground to the Dogs of War because they were terrible and that would have been embarrassing, so we banded together.
The group had a lot of moving parts, but the two of us were gaining ground as a team. We had the Rose City tag titles, we were doing well in that SSW tournament, Ana was crying herself to sleep less and less often. We had something here. Clearly it was worth pursuing.”
Ana was doing her best to tune out and take in the sights. She had been to a Denny’s just one other time. It was 2AM in Texas and a cowboy was trying to pick up two women at the bar by showing them his taser. This one was a lot less interesting.
“Fast forward a few months now, and we’re one of only a handful of teams that anyone either likes or has heard of. We left Rose City with our championship reign in tact, we romped to victory against a who’s who of people I’ve been rude about in the Union Battleground War of the Worlds and we managed to avoid getting our shit processed by a bunch of joke teams like all of our detractors have any time they’ve been in a company where they had to cut a promo.
We’ve done well for ourselves. And now between storming the finals of the FGA tag tournament and reigniting our reign in Union, we’ve found our way here. We’ve earned a bit of a reputation to defend. Also I’ve been ranting for months now about how great tag wrestling is and now companies are expecting us to make good on our words.”
She went to take a drink and then remembered she killed it in a fit of pique. She looked quite sad for a second.
“For what it’s worth I stand by everything nice I’ve ever said about tag wrestling. I made my start doing it, I was drawn to it, and despite every accolade I’ve gained alone, I always find my way back to it. By the start of next month I’ll have begun a campaign to win my third Deathmatch tournament of the year in DTW. Ana just got done fighting to be 4CW champion in the Hideous Cage of Murder or whatever they’re calling it.”
“Those are all Battleground shows so they have to acknowledge them as relevant.”
“We’re both stupid mega busy, successful, rich idiots, but I still made sure to make time in our schedules because there’s a hot new up and coming team and I wanted to fight them.
I give a shit. Probably too much. I’m working at a detriment and dragging her down with me, but I already messed up one chance to strengthen our position as the best team in the universe forever and I’d hate to see a second pass us by.”
She hung her head to one side.
“Conversely, the Valor champions haven’t got a great deal to shout about. So far they’ve managed to fight the same team three times and eventually beat them once. Their accolades sort of dry up at that point but they’re running unopposed because all of the Zombies were busy.
I get it. It’s hard to float a division. You see it everywhere you go. 4CW is supposed to house the best of the best and their champs can’t buy a win any other day of the week. You guys in Valor have done alright, but now they’ve had to throw a giant sack of cash and sports cars our way because every time a team here takes a loss the division dies underneath them.
There’s a well researched theory that teams are generally made up of wrestlers who couldn’t get anywhere on their own. It’s very hard to argue against that when every attempt any company has ever made to flesh out their tag division gifts them three teams who are all too weak and won’t survive the winter. It’s sad. I’m very sad about it.”
She traced a fake tear down her cheek to emphasise that she was sad.
“Ana and I want to change the message. We’ve done it all when we were doing it alone and now we’ve put together a team that’s somehow bigger than the sum of its parts. We’ve survived our downfalls, grown in our triumphs and already we’ve been doing this long enough to get tired of these teams who haven’t even been together long enough to learn each other’s names.
The Dead End Friends look to be a positive exception. They’ve stuck to their game. They’ve tried and failed and tried again. It’s not much I’m aware, but at least it’s a start. Already I’m looking forward to coming back here maybe a year from now and seeing who they’ve become, but for now we’re content to knock them six kinds of stupid and show them how far they’ve yet to go.”
Lisa lost all momentum for a second, turning to shoot a glance at Ana for chewing in what she would later describe as a passive-aggressive way.
“I like Zack and I’m aware that Benny is a person who exists. Fun guy. Little delusional. The two of them just barely got a name together and now he’s sitting cross-legged on the mountain top trying to give away the secret to maintaining a successful working relationship.
If you think you’ve mastered Zen and the Art of Tag Shit because you’ve stepped over the first hurdle then we’re about to ruin your whole life. You beat two fucking crybabies who dropped off on a loss and appeared in a whole other company where they knew people were going to suck their dicks and pretend they mattered.
We’re drawing on more ring time than this whole division put together and you’ve been doing this not nearly long enough. I genuinely hope you make something of this because we’re tired of running through teams who haven’t been together long enough to learn each other's names, but I think we’re still a little-ways out.”
She dropped a little sigh.
“As for Zack? I’m glad he’s finally having a good time. I’d be pretty amped up too if I’d been bumming around for the better part of a year and only now had something to show for it. He’s got some flair, a title, someone who is contractually obligated to talk to him on a weekly basis. He’s tried a few teams and they’ve all failed miserably but he’s on to something now. He’s flexing on losers despite their entire collateral consisting of a win over the Zombie Vice Squad - a team very much looking back on their better days by now - and he’s even got a cool scar because he’s bad at falling off things and not landing on his head.
He’s doing great. He looks fucked but he carries it well and it seems like he’s having a good time doing it. I hope it carries on for a good long time, but we’re not here for it to carry on at our expense. We went all around the world building a reputation. Now we’re going to bludgeon him to death with it.
Basically, I think he’s a very attractive man, albeit it in a sort of Sid the Sloth looking way, and I’m sad we might have to ruin it, but someone has to bring the man back down to earth. Before he goes off, gets carried away and fumbles it like last time.”
“Lisa is only attracted to human garbage.”
Lisa held up her hand. The intention was to show you her wedding ring, which would have meant a great deal more if you were there for her first marriage. Instead, all you notice is that she was still bleeding and not doing anything about it. Strange woman. Very strange.
“You know I really like this team. I sat down with my notebook and pen because I’m very fancy and old fashioned, but the only real stumbling block I’ve found is that they haven’t been doing this for very long. It’s fairly important. You don’t get off the couch and run your first marathon in a day, and that’s sort of where we’re at. They’re not, but they’re on their way.
Valor lucked out when they put these two stupid little bitches together. They’re the sort of talismanic duo this company has been waiting for. I look forward to watching them corner this division. I’m already excited for round two and I want to see how far they can go.”
She sat with that one for just a second.
“Obviously they’re going to lose and it’s going to be messy, but they’ll come back better for it. They said they wanted a wall to measure up to. They were never going to get that with Not Safe From Words but we’ll happily step up.
We’re going to give you all a show; just a little taste of the sort of team you’re going to have on your hands just a couple of shows from now. Good teams are at their best when good teams are coming after them and we’re going to make sure they wake up the day after with something to fight for.”
Rising to a crescendo, Lisa snatched Ana’s drink and tanked it in one. Sierra Mist, obviously. The drink of champions the world over.
“Tag wrestling isn’t your fall back anymore. You don’t get to keep hanging a belt on you shoulder just because you lucked into a friend. We’ve done what we can to level every division we’ve run through and exposed a million one and done teams doing it. Those days are dead and gone, you actually have to give a shit now.
We’ve done what we can to reset the standard and it’s happening before your eyes. If you want to get in on the next big thing in this sport, then you better start buying your Dead End Friends shirts, because they’re about to become the team to beat.
We’re just going to do it now, before it becomes cool. And I look forward to doing it again and again, and again and again.”
She threw us a wink as we started to turn away. We lingered just long enough to hear them talking. Apparently, Lisa was beginning to feel a bit light headed. Who would have thought.
